he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
