Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
