Don't you send me to vm
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
