walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
True college students do jello shots in the library
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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