I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
