You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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