I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
