Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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