Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
