he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
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