If that was your dad, he is hot
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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