Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
they need to just BURY HIM!
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
