i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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