I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
