Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Randomize
