i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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