i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
