I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
