Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize