she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
