woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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