WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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