Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Randomize
