We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Randomize
