so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
