I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
