Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
