Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
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