I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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