i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Randomize
