.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Randomize
