so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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