Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
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