like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Sorry my hands just texted you
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
