either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Randomize
