I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
