O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
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