I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
