The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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