so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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