JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
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