I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
