My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
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