garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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