Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
