He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
