Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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