you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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