Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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