if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Dignity is for republicans.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
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