I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
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