I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Pants 0. Shit 1.
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
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