my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
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