On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
