you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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