I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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