I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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