I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Randomize
