Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
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