me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
