wrigley field is MILF paradise
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
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