so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
