yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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