Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
