I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
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